fighting committing giving

just wondering..why did i fight so hard for it in the start only to let go of it in the end without even a struggle? it dint make me feel sad, angry, disappointed or wadever..it just left me feeling very confused. was i lack of that capability..will a little bit of luck change everything..have i ever belonged there..-sighs-
feeling very happiee now..hahahaha i noe i dont sound like it larh..but it's this kind of happiness when all of a sudden the burden fall from the shoulders...then i heard a ' thud', but ive no idea where it came from..is it the sound of the heart sinking or is it simply the burden falling to the ground? *confused*
haha but there's one thing im realli sure of..i dont regret committing to it, what i got in return was more than what i asked for. it taught me time management [though tt was the worst period of time ive ever managed my time], believing in myself, seeing everything in a positive light, and somhow or other i was more sure of myself and what i wanna do in my future. ive never had such definite goals in my life before..i noe what i want for myself in the future, what i wanna grow up to be, what i want to do next time and stuff like that..but haha nahh not telling..i dont think u realli wanna know either..but it's enough for myself to know =)