gib day ones over and im offically off the board. can i start frm the veryvery start.

during china trip last year yunhui told me some board stuff and i was like, wahh why the board so complex one arh. and i thought redcross was complex enough wiht our hierachy. all those power struggle stuff is like so strange and frightening to me and i was like itss so grown-up stuff! but i dint think so much about it cos i dint think i ll be prefect cos i was a damn lousy classrep and i dint think i deserve to be voted in. then to when mr ang called up my name aft elections. i was shocked and as i stood up there, in front of the whole sch, i could feel that excitement and fear right inside me. then i got more frightened as i thought more about it. i worried a lot, liek wad if the baord hated me wad if i ahve no frens onbaord wad if i cant meet up to expectations. all the way, rihgt up to gib05 i still felt damn insecure and alone onbaord. semianar changed all that. thank goodness for nat. i reallyreally think its a greatgreat blessing for me to have nat as a buddy. i rmb praying really hard for a buddy that would help me along like yunhui did someone who i can rely on so wadever i face i dint have to face it on my own. nat was loads more wad i asked for. thankyou God. i think i believe in Him now, aft all the many blessings ive been showered with. seminar was amaizng. i dint realise then, how much it ll eventually mean to me but now i miss it so damn much. wiht all the other 56 prefects, together, planning, bonding and learning how to lead. and those two nights where the excos have their meetings in nat and my room [and eat biscuits on the beds so i had to sleep with biscuit crumbs later in the night] so i ahd to move to other ppls rrom. had loads of fun. with cherie jolene sandra ahma and the others.the best one was the 2nd night aft nats exco meeting whe i could finally go back to our rrom steffi fushang came over and we jus started laughing at goodness-knows-wad. we dint knw wad we were laughing at cos so many funny things were happenign at hte same time but we contiuned lauhging till even my stomach cramped up! also, the talks by the excos were amazing. esp all those poems they printed for us, its so insiring so meaningful that i cried while reading them a few days ago. then it was invest. at first it was super taxing and draggy. then sch started, everyone started freaking out. but nothings even done up yet. aft nats scolding and steffi, valeries talk to us all in the khooaudi, we all cried and kinda woke up, realising that we all needa put in our best and work together to get this done. somehow at that point, i knw that the show during invest would indded be a great one. i was in milan with cherie zelei shong jaz jennet nat lishaan rhea nicole deb. all these ppl, as ive jus realised, a lot of them have now become hte very ppl that i ll miss the most onboard. invest was great and i miss all those practises now..with us posing for the i believe song. on invest daty, as i stood up there in my white bolero in front of the whoole khoo audi with the 56 others, this feeling of excitemnt and determination jus overwhelmed me. at htat time i knew there ll be challenges ahead, but i knw i ll face them strongly. everything was so hyped, the dinner was liek whoa. all the present-giving and stuff. then we linked arms and sang the im onboard song in seoul grdn! felt like hugging the whole board and pack them all home. i love them. aft invest, everyhtign jus blah went downdown down. the serious stuff of scpb came in. expectations sch rules etc. felt damn insecure..and sometimes really tired out. was the secone orientation ic and guess juggling my new responsibilities as a prefect, stuff to plan for fro orientation, footdrill com, and my studies was pbviously too much for me to handle. my first setback onboard came to me when fushang was about to book someone for low socks and she asked me i stupidly and subconcsiously told her'its okay wad' then fushang cried. for 4 days i practically stoned all day as i tried to make sense of all these. that period was practically hell for me as ive never doubted/hated myself or felt so much anger inside me before. secone orientation for redcross was right aft that incident larh and well, i pulled through. by the time all these blew over my grades were dropping like crazy. ms lau stayed back to teach me stuff i dint understand and she asked me if theres somrthing wrong. first reply, nono. then she asked so many times i couldnt hold all these in anymore. tears jus poured out..as well as all those pend-up stress fustrations depression. i cried so hard i couldnt even speak dman embarrassing and so unglam ive never cried in front of other adults before. then i told her about redcross(orientation period) and work. then i went for redcross aft that, reported late to jodie maam. then came obs. omg thats like one of the happiest time in my life. another blessing. cos of scpb, i was in the leader's grp, with SIX other prefects ann cherie rachelwong fushang joanne nicole. totally enjoyed myself. esp with rachw ann and cherie, i love them! cos of them, obs was g r e a t. rmb when all the secthree prefects stood in one line aft our 8h expedition, facing the sea and sang all the scpb songs we could think of. it was amazing, those ten minutes out feeling this connection with the others. i loved them so much and i was so hungry i could eat them up!=0 haha.ann was amazing during obs..i thin ann is and will be a greatgreat leader. as obs was ending, our grp cried like siao. 5 days of paradise with all those aazing ppla nd now we re leaving. hten yes aft obs back to sch, more stress. all those times where i felt the weight of the bolero, the expectations, the way everyones paying attention to everything i do or say. plus my studies. all those tough nihgts i stayed up, thought of all that is expected of me and jus break down. its not easy being a prefect, its more thanwad you see, its more than that bolero. finally to nats incident. open hse was freaking bad. we were told on that day itself our ipw proj is not okay and we re not allowed to sell it. felt so hopeless, luckily found yunhui and her face told me wad i shld do! thought of al ways possible, but still it ALL failed then i stood there stoning, rhea came up to me and said' wad happened to your buddy' i was liek huh wad happened to nat? rhea said, shes not wearing a bolero, i think shes in trouble. that was hte last straw. rhea went off a while, buddy came in her blue uni without hte bolero and i jus ran up to her and started crying. i felt sososo tired sosos confused soososo mixed up. she told me to be strong, to contiune for her onboard wad hse couldnt do anymore. sorry i couldnt do it. the next few days were like hell, having to decide for myself wad to trust. it was damn hard. but many thanks to amelia and shong who tauhgt me how to jus trust wad i trust. it got me out of all those mess. hten came lit trip. toatl flop. the tchrs came back to complain to ms kim then she found out my mum dint wanna sign the thailand trip form and she looked up all my data and my grades and talked with me, 4 times in total in that discipline room. you knw, they have alot of tissue in there! cos they forever made ppl cry,ms kim even asked me if i wanna counselling frm ms leong. then at the last meeintg, ms kim asked if i wanted to contiune being on cbp, given my present situation and grades. so i made a choice not to and cried somemore llarh. then went the list was up somehow everyone found out wad happened and all those encouragements were so heartening. all those notes of affirmation, thye gave me so much strengh you guys cant ever imagine the diff you made. those times were tough but cos of you guys, they re now memories that i treasure. all the hugs and words of wisdom. it really built me up. thanks to, bev valerie jolene buddy jane cherrie ann jennet shuying shong sarahchen for all your concern and love. mrs phua fairwell jus cool too. the prac we had on sat, aft we got all the steps right and everyone did it all together it was so touching! i knw i love scpb! then it was gib prep, kinda ironic cos im not in it but still must help..but it was fun! like wad jennet said, the last thing i could ever do for hte board. sorry i overslept thing moring i woke up at 0710 at sarahs call! omg. oh and the choc cake for dinner today, it was bked by jane and me! hahaha thank us mann=) =)

its like 230 am now and im super tired. byee tmr still gto gib day two. btw, I LOVE SCPB!w excos, every single one of you really deserve to be where you are cos you guys are the most committed and capable ppl ive ever seen. jiayou!