look at this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lFXy5bIiSA

sharksfin soup!

half our redccross level. it was really funny, like at first it was only 3 of us then later 'eh come join leh!' then another one comes along: 'hurry, take photo!'. finally, tata, our half-level photo!

me, sylvia, liqin. our first during-prom photo. sylvia looks like a block of wood. haha.

liqin and i! i think we were ATTEMPTING to show off our legs. hehh.

i suppose after coming such a long way, its right time now to put an end to everything. the night i came back from poc, i scribbled something on my diary: 'you think of the start and smile, then you realise with a stab that you're now at the ending point.' i thought poc would mean nothing to me exccept that i'll have more time to mug for ohs but as i write letters and go through poc i really dont know wad to think anymore. everything, the memories keeps coming. in secone, the first time i did punishments was in march camp. the secthrees forgot something so they went down then the sectwos asked for permissojn to join them the secones didnt know wad to do so we had to go down too then the sectwos and threes came up we were left down there the seniors were like 'permission to join sectwos in punishments maam' or something like that i dont know why but i felt soso touched. and i guess, no matter how pathetic it sounds, it was from this momnet that i reallyreally liked redcross. like the love, the spirit, the comaradship[correct spelling?]. yes then talentime how we prctised our malay dance practically 5 time s a week during the hols how once we did from morning to evening.how we loved sitting there watching the ncos[now exexex ncos] do their jungle thing. oh and our very first poc too! our lemon trees and the blur teddies. and the longlong speech. then sectwo. ndp. camp reprot. you grow up and realise theres responsibilities too. how excited we were when we first saw our juniors we ran ard the amphi looking for them like mad wome then we played the newspaper games i cant rmb wads that called with them. then our second poc it was sosos sad i was like ohno why this again wad the hell is the problem with whoever why moving on means passing out for some people. then secthree, all the manymnany ups and downs. more downs than ups i guess. yeah, and i havent exactly been the best junior or senior either. i know was was subborn or even arrogant and i was trying to hold on to everything though in the end i realised that i ve lost every single thing. yeah, bitterness, disappointment, stuff that even the closest of my friends dint know. i remeber one day in sinlins house[ aft fac05 i think] we sat on the sofa of her old house[omg i do miss that place sososo much] and talked about how everything seems to be falling apart, how we feel so helpless in doing anything how tired we are to carry everything else that no one else wanted to, i almost started crying and im sure sin and li felt very sad too though i dont know if they still rmb about it now. oh and being orientation i/c, the hundred and one things that i forgot and the wad we heard later on on not teaching the secones anything. ive reflected on that a lot and hmm given one more chance i would have kept this thing called delegation in my mind ansnot think im some superwoman able to do it all. then we took over. it was very weird hearing 'munching maam'. even though now im used to it and even though theoritically im not a maam anymore i still kinda like hearing the maam behind my name. so that i can go on pretending that im still in redcross and that nothing has changed since friday. yeah, fat chance. okay. being and nco is boring and very dull and i felt like not only were the clouds rolling in, they were clouding my mind and choking me. and i felt like i couldnt ever find my rainbow.

okay i dont have much time-so heres about poc

somewhere deep inside
something uncovered for a long time
sometimes i hope you'll come and dig it out
some day.

"success is a matter of adjustment. if you achieve waht you set out to achieve, you will be successful--if the goal had value from the start.

if you fall short of a goal, but realise along the way that there are other valuable goals and are flexible enoguh to shift to better ones, you will alos be successful.

if the values you cherish have evolved only from the short-term, selfish, the hedonistic, the frivolous, your success will not be genuine.

values that allow and encourage commitment and the desire to contribute to others, produce some enlightenment and ratchet the community one notch higher in quality of life are the ones that will undergird success of the kind you want."

-Letter To A Great Grandson
by hugh downis

like the man you sit next to on the morning train;
and whom you look through like a window-pane

Colors Of The Wind Vanessa Williams
You think you own whatever land you land on
The earth is just a dead thing you can claim
But I know every rock and tree and creature
Has a life, has a spirit, has a name
You think the only people who are people
Are the people who look and think like you
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger
You learn things you never knew
You never knew

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue cored moon?
or ask the grinning bobcat why he grinned
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains?
Can you paint with all the colours of the wind?
Can you paint with all the colours of the wind?

Come run the hidden pinetrails of the forest
Come taste the sun-sweet berries of the earth
Come roll in all the riches all around you
And for once never wonder what they're worth

The rainstorm and the rivers are my brothers
The heron and the otter are my friends
And we are all connected to each other
In a circle in a hoop that never ends

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue cored moon?
or let the eagle tell you where he's been
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains?
Can you paint with all the colours of the wind?
Can you paint with all the colours of the wind?

How high does the sycamore grow
If you cut it down, then you'll never know

And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue cored moon
Or whether we are white or copper-skinned
We need to sing with all the voices of the mountains
We need to paint with all the colours of the wind
You can own the Earth and still
All you'll own is Earth until
You can paint with all the colors of the wind

i dont know how to start blogging. a minute ago, as i was signing in my head was so filled up with all the tings i wanna whine/ complain/ ramble about but when this page opened up i was like' ohmy how do i start blogging?'. funny, isnt it.

was looking through all my old emails and letters and all the stuff in my memory box and well, it brought back loads of memories. esp jus now, was blogsurfing other ppl's old entries and my emails, all those about redcross stuff really made me , yeah. everytime i do this kinda thing, its always like, wad happened? a person posted smth about how she is so excited to take up this certain proj and i can really feel it, from her words her tone in her blog the enthusiasim the i-dont-care-im-gonna-put-100%-of-myself-in-this. for a short moment too, i had that feeling and got reminded how it used to be an everyday kinda thing for me.

wad happened wad happened wad happened did it change only for me or is it the same for everyone esle too. so sick and tired of caring and trying to look enthusiastic. wadshappening. its not meant to be this way you know. i always thought it was hte best thign that ever happened to me and now, hurhs. wad happened to that voice inside me which convinced my whole being that wadever happened it is the thing im passionate about its the thing i wanna do its the thing i must commit myself to. wadever happens, just hang on. the rainbow after the rain. did the rainbow take so long to come out, i cant keep faith anymore? i dont even know wad im doing now. school-homework-tuition-revision-notes-things to do-things to bring. i seemed to be doing so much but raelly, nothing at all. i can talk the whole day yet nothign i truly wanna says comes out. i can smile and laugh but feel like a constipated toad inside. living day to day, no, wrong, its existing without living. i drag myself her and there but my real person is nowhere. caring about all the thigns which i really dont give a damn about. not having time to do everythign else. but there seemed nothign else that, i dont know, i really acre about either.

wad i really wanna do now. go somewhere reallyreally far away and sit on a mountain and watch a sunrise. or feel the clouds. or try grab the stars. or get drenched by rain. maybe, see the rainbow too.

youre holding on to me so tightly i cant breathe you dont know me at all stop assuming you know wad or how im thinking. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. stop screaming or you ll push me off hte edge. stop blinding yourself in wad you think is correct. let me go, give me some space, sont tell me to live upt o your expectations. cos im not her. i dont wanna be like her either.

Have you noticed the multitude of articles, books, and other information about dealing with stress that seem to be out there these days? It just struck me the other day, when I was paging through a magazine in a waiting room. While they seem to have good suggestions to offer, like getting some exercise, watching your diet, relaxation

You've probably heard the phrase about picking up on other people's "vibes." Well, that description is pretty accurate, because actually we are all composed of energy, and each of us emits our very own "force field." Likewise, thoughts and words are forms of energy as well. And when we suffer from stress, often it's because of the pressure of negative thoughts we may have or that we "pick up" from others.

Just like dirt that can accumulate on the body, this negative energy can accumulate as well. What I've found to be very helpful is to do what I call an "energy cleansing." This is a simple visualization that you can perform whenever you wish, but it's especially useful at the end of the day.

Sit comfortably and close your eyes. Imagine that a golden shower of light is descending on you, starting from the top of your head. Visualize it moving downwards through all the parts of your body, cleaning any dark spots that may be there. See it pushing this "sludge" of dark negative energy out of your body down through the soles of your feet into the ground. Keep visualizing this golden light doing its clearing action until there is only the light left in your body. Open your eyes and sit for a few minutes, enjoying the sense of calm and peace.