i dont know how to start blogging. a minute ago, as i was signing in my head was so filled up with all the tings i wanna whine/ complain/ ramble about but when this page opened up i was like' ohmy how do i start blogging?'. funny, isnt it.

was looking through all my old emails and letters and all the stuff in my memory box and well, it brought back loads of memories. esp jus now, was blogsurfing other ppl's old entries and my emails, all those about redcross stuff really made me , yeah. everytime i do this kinda thing, its always like, wad happened? a person posted smth about how she is so excited to take up this certain proj and i can really feel it, from her words her tone in her blog the enthusiasim the i-dont-care-im-gonna-put-100%-of-myself-in-this. for a short moment too, i had that feeling and got reminded how it used to be an everyday kinda thing for me.

wad happened wad happened wad happened did it change only for me or is it the same for everyone esle too. so sick and tired of caring and trying to look enthusiastic. wadshappening. its not meant to be this way you know. i always thought it was hte best thign that ever happened to me and now, hurhs. wad happened to that voice inside me which convinced my whole being that wadever happened it is the thing im passionate about its the thing i wanna do its the thing i must commit myself to. wadever happens, just hang on. the rainbow after the rain. did the rainbow take so long to come out, i cant keep faith anymore? i dont even know wad im doing now. school-homework-tuition-revision-notes-things to do-things to bring. i seemed to be doing so much but raelly, nothing at all. i can talk the whole day yet nothign i truly wanna says comes out. i can smile and laugh but feel like a constipated toad inside. living day to day, no, wrong, its existing without living. i drag myself her and there but my real person is nowhere. caring about all the thigns which i really dont give a damn about. not having time to do everythign else. but there seemed nothign else that, i dont know, i really acre about either.

wad i really wanna do now. go somewhere reallyreally far away and sit on a mountain and watch a sunrise. or feel the clouds. or try grab the stars. or get drenched by rain. maybe, see the rainbow too.

youre holding on to me so tightly i cant breathe you dont know me at all stop assuming you know wad or how im thinking. YOU HAVE NO IDEA. stop screaming or you ll push me off hte edge. stop blinding yourself in wad you think is correct. let me go, give me some space, sont tell me to live upt o your expectations. cos im not her. i dont wanna be like her either.