I keep a rabit inside me

I keep a rabbit inside me; it’s hopping it won’t keep still. I don’t like furs, they make me sneeze. They’re nice to look and good to feel though. Imagine a rabbit without fur. I don’t like soft toys either; they make me feel unlovable and unloving. How I gush over them one minute and discard them the next. Fickle, fickle. What if that one day only happens to girls who love soft toys, not to people like me.

Oh, party girls. Put on your pink dresses, glossy smiles and pretend you could make yourself one of them, if only you try. Give yourself away just to fit in. Stay on the track so that you’ll never get lost. So that you’ll never have to look up one day and wonder why’s everything around you such a blur. You’ll never have to feel like you’ve eaten fear and it’s stuck in your throat as a fishbone. You think you can never get rid of it. You think you’re gonna die.

I’m on a roller coaster. If I keep going on this way i’m gonna be screwed. I’ve got my head in the clouds, with rainbows and stars and birds that can fly far far away.

‘I’m a teenager, I’ve got problems!’ That’s quite funny and poignant in a way. I’m not sure in what way exactly, though.

I run long distance in my mind. It’s so tiresome I wish it’ll stop running. I don’t need to travel so far, I don’t need to escape. I just need a bubble of love and get myself trapped inside. Then all will be good and well. But bubbles burst, and all the good stuff will flow out through diffusion. From a region of higher concentration to one of lower concentration. Maybe we can try active transport. Can we make bubbles partially permeable?

Today I read through implantation. Blastocyst contains a trophoblast and blastocoel. Blastocoels looks a bit wrong to me, the spelling, I’ll go check it up later. From trophobalst an inner mass of cells develops, which eventually becomes the embryo. Endometrium, blood form the maternal arteries spurting into the blood spaces around the capillaries of the baby in the placenta.
I came from that, a ball of cells. Funny funny.