im regretting it now. the way i shouldnt have been critisizing you, magnifying you shortcomings, passing on the bucket, sterotyping you. im sorry and yes, now that im here i realise how much harder are things than what ive imagined them to be. that there a step between dreams and reality. if only to go back now, i would not have done all those and instead, cooperated. wasnt it silly. its difficult. the way we wanted to be miracle workers but ended up broken and full of angst fustrations instead. did you feel this way too. the way you know how things should be done but somehow, its outside your reach. i wish i could say its only two more weeks, but no, this a whole year ahead. how enthusiasim turns to dread. and i wonder, is it really worth all the effort im putting in. im sorry, but is it fair to me. wad ms kim said, wad ms leong said, wad ms soh said to me, why is that only all i hear. sweat shortchanged into tears and anger. wad am i looking for. ive said before, its not how much it needs me, it really simply is how much i need it.

really?