tok op week

This week is truly­­­­­­­­­­­­­ __________. I can’t think of a suitable adjective to fill in that blank, but for right now, let’s just put it as ‘different’. 5 tests, ee for cross marking due, tok essay and tok presentation. But I won’t say that its hell because, very perversely, the tests have been quite fulfilling in that it has given me no choice but to swallow my fear, open up those books filled with complicated theories, and find that they are not so complicated after all. And most of all, tok op has taught me a lot.

Lord is awesome and I know He is here. I’m spiritually so young; I hate the way my faith is like a house built on sand. The foundation never seems to be strong enough to withstand the storms. It collapse periodically and the whole cycle of straying, returning, straying returning just keeps going on.

But anyway, my point here is that God has shown Himself to be real, and truly, ‘an ever-present help’ in times of these storms, where stress, frustrations, anguish mounts. Last Saturday at church, Jesus’ promise of finding Him if we seek Him with all our hearts came to mind. After drifting away from Him since the start of the year, I want to get back to Him once again. But this time, I want to be truly convinced of His reality. I prayed, I will seek Him as truly as I can and see if he will reveal Himself. It’s as if I’m putting God to test, testing the truth of his promise. This is not too correct, but nevertheless He had used this week to reveal Himself to me.

I thank ann (her presence itself is a gift and her encouragements helped me overcome the initial dread and fear of re-doing my entire op), rene ( he helped me come up with my KI, i would have died if ann hadn’t called him), mark (for staying and reasoning out the arguments for my KI and writing all those down so i could refer to them later on when i felt so lost), ariel ( giving me my structure! She made me feel so better about the entire thing, honestly), Amanda ( for staying back so long after Frisbee and helping me so tirelessly and reasoning out all the arguments for me while I was so hopelessly lost), lavannia ( this girl is AWESOME, we left sch at 12plus, stayed over at her place, took turns to sleep, and at 4plus am she helped me write out my script while i fell asleep quite by accident), daniel (this genius ended my agony by showing me how to use the WOKs to prove my points. and was like 'if you need any more help can just call me') Debbie ( spent the entire morning pointing out the weaknesses of my arguments, editing my script, and telling me how to ans those tough questions), Brenda ( who spent the entire chem prac lesson looking through my stuff and figuring out for me what i should do about it), and jlee ( who prayed for me and was a timely reminder of God’s presence with me through this entire ordeal).

And to end it off, ms priya came in and asked about who wants to go over to ms jacq yeo’s and maria’s class and somehow i just stood up and went over. Everything was a whole lot better because I knew the both of them. And although my op didn’t turn out to be too good, (they pointed out a lot of mistakes) i think i’m fine with it in that i wasn’t as bad as my previous one?

Ohoh, and mrs mervlyn goh’s email. She sent audrie to look for me in school on Thursday and sent me an email saying she suddenly thought of me after i looked for her for help on Monday. She was like ‘i don’t know why—must be the Holy Spirit!’ then went on to give me pointers and encouragements. At the moment she couldn’t have known that I was feeling so hopeless and overwhelmed, that twice in school in the midst of everything that came tumbling down I ran to the toilet and cried for a long time.

So yes, this is a real God and I want to forever be on His side.

He made me dumb so I couldn’t rely on my own strength but instead, trust in His providence and could receive my friends’ love and concern which i’m sure, came from Him. I thank God for friends.