I was just looking through the old letters. Nothing like letters to bring you back to the old times mans. And I really have a lot to thank God for. For bringing me through all those growing pains. As a small girl I think I’d really struggled a lot. Many a times I’d really felt like there’s a giant inside me bursting to get out. That who I had wanted to be/ who I supposedly was and who I really was was really different. Like the discrepancies between all these. Like I was wearing a mask to cover the girl beneath. Yeah redcross was awesome, but I think now my God is more awesome that anything else. He really took me outta the dark. He showed me that I was created in His image, perfect in His eyes. And He showed me that I was worthy. Yet so many times, my foolish, humanly ways persuaded me to walk away from Him. I think there’s still a part of me here that’s hanging on to the past quite a bit, sorry I’ve gotta rant here cos somehow it’s still bothering me. Like there’s something unresolved, but I’m not too sure what. Fears or pent-up anger or something. I really don’t know.
I was reading through letters going like i’ve learnt a lot from you, you always smile, you cheer me up, you’re kind nice and caring, you’re cute, thankyou for inspiring me, it’s like they’re talking about someone else. I’m not sure in all those years, how much of who they see is really who I am. It feels bitter sweet. Or just bitter. HMM.
So now I surrender things into Your hands.

Stained glass Masquerade really speaks to me:

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin,
I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay