jennet: i know this's sort of late but yeah, thankyou alotalot. ive msged you already but again, it is damn sweet and you take care too. see you during pauline sohs class

yunhui: thankyou so much,when i read your tag dont know why but jus started crying. damndamn nice when you see old frens still bothering to care yea esp now when this year all the tougher colder side of life is being shoved to me. thankyou for helping me pull through all those scary stuff. i think the board is nice cos of all these helping of each other stuff. you must take care alotalot okay. thankkyou =)

im regretting it now. the way i shouldnt have been critisizing you, magnifying you shortcomings, passing on the bucket, sterotyping you. im sorry and yes, now that im here i realise how much harder are things than what ive imagined them to be. that there a step between dreams and reality. if only to go back now, i would not have done all those and instead, cooperated. wasnt it silly. its difficult. the way we wanted to be miracle workers but ended up broken and full of angst fustrations instead. did you feel this way too. the way you know how things should be done but somehow, its outside your reach. i wish i could say its only two more weeks, but no, this a whole year ahead. how enthusiasim turns to dread. and i wonder, is it really worth all the effort im putting in. im sorry, but is it fair to me. wad ms kim said, wad ms leong said, wad ms soh said to me, why is that only all i hear. sweat shortchanged into tears and anger. wad am i looking for. ive said before, its not how much it needs me, it really simply is how much i need it.

really?

like a soldier on the battlefield, tired of all the lost battles, the way he had to keep giving himself reasons to carry on. what has he given his life to, one that he had not asked for. living not for himself, but to do what he knew he must do. who sees beneath the seeminly impertuable armour, what really lies inside, a man full of bottled-up fear, doubts and insecurity. he thinks all soldiers are supposed to be brave and its not right to break down. so he doesnt.

im already holding on longer than wad i can manage. this is all. i dont want it anymore. the way it's pressing down on me, the way it is taking away who i am, i dont want it anymore. im falling back and repeating all those same mistakes. you know how scary it is, seeing history repeating itself, and not knowing wad to do. i really dont want it. take it away. it'll hurt for a while, it'll feel weird, but its okay, i know it'll pass and after that, i can get wad i truly want. yes, i ve learnt a lot a lot A LOT, i ve matured and htink so much more now. but for growing up, theres a price to pay. you take smth, you give in smth else. the price is too huge. right now, i wonder wad youve all said about it, about service, about leadership about pride about doing it from the bottom of your heart; i wonder if hteres any way all these will ever come true for me. take it away, and give me me back.